Anyway, my reasons behind not wanting to talk to her are pretty straightforward. I wrote a blog about some of the reasons, but here lately, I've come to realize why I've felt like I'm worthless.
First off, when I was born, I was 11 pounds, 10 1/2 ounces and 23 inches long. I was also 12 days late. My mother was told that she was "having a baby elephant."
All my life, I've been called a murderer. My mother had an abortion right after me and her reason was that she "couldn't handle another almost 12 pound baby." So, I've realized that's my problem. I'm trying to "get over it" and go on with my life, but it's difficult to work it out with someone who 1. You don't want to talk to, and 2. plays the victim and while you are trying to explain why you feel the way you do, will make excuses on why you are wrong for feeling that way.
I was told by someone that I need to forgive her. That misery loves company and all that fun shit, and people (mostly) will place the blame somewhere else when confronted with their downfalls. Maybe so. I try to own my mistakes, and I'm not afraid to admit when I'm wrong. I will apologize for things constantly, and I get a LOT of grief for it. I will usually just tell people I'm the sorriest person they'll ever meet.
I'm going to work on getting over this. I'm starting to feel better about myself as a person. That's a start.
